


Of Snapchats, Dating Apps, and Useless Competitions

by konekat, mlim8



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Art in Fic, M/M, and Mattsun and Makki are out to prove it, background matsuhana - Freeform, companion doujinshi, everyone loves Iwaizumi better, kyoutani just wants to play volleyball dammit, seijou shenanigans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-08 19:03:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10394028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/konekat/pseuds/konekat, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mlim8/pseuds/mlim8
Summary: Everyone at Seijou is well aware that Iwaizumi is the most popular and admired member of the team.  Everyone except the ridiculous captain, that is.  His vain ignorance is whatstartedthis whole dumb competition in the first place.Kyoutani would honestly care less... if it weren't for the fact that, in the midst of all the hubbub, volleyball practice has come to a screeching halt.





	1. In Which Kyoutani’s Volleyball Time is Interrupted by Oikawa’s Stupid Antics

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Right___Meow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Right___Meow/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is part of a collaboration between me (Kat) and the fantastically talented [mlim8](http://mlim8.tumblr.com/) as a gift for the absolutely amazing [right---meow](http://right---meow.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Mel and I came up with the original idea together and plotted it out. Mel is making a beautiful doujinshi of the story, and I'm making this companion fic. It'll have six parts.
> 
> In addition to Mel's A-MA-ZING doujinshi (which you should totally go read [over here](http://mlim8.tumblr.com/post/158668813440/)!!!), I'll also be working in a few of Mel's kick-ass pictures into the body of the fic too.
> 
> We really hope that you'll enjoy the story!
> 
> (And, because I have no self control, I put together [a playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5ar6h1LS4nC3jX_NGIyCWoNocH4GgeME) for writing this fic. It's all bubbliness and silliness, which basically sums up this entire story.)

“EXCUSE ME?”

Kyoutani winces, the sharp, grating noise of Oikawa’s shrill voice slicing through his head. _So noisy…_

He turns with a glare to see Oikawa pointing an accusing finger at Matsukawa. “MATTSUN, YOU REALLY DOUBT _ME_?” he screeches. “YOUR CAPTAIN? YOUR INSPIRATION AND ROLE MODEL?”

Matsukawa raises his eyebrows, although his face doesn’t lose his effortless, bored expression. “… I never called you that,” he points out in a droll tone. 

Beside him, Hanamaki _tsk_ s, his eyes rocking briefly up toward the ceiling and eyelids fluttering in annoyance. He takes a deep breath, then looks back at Oikawa. “Look, we just think it’s obvious,” Hanamaki explains. “In a competition between you and our precious ace… Iwaizumi would totally be more popular.”

Oikawa’s eyebrow literally _twitches_ , and he visibly grinds his teeth. Kyoutani _would_ be taking immense joy in the captain’s obvious and growing frustration if this entire conversation weren’t so completely confusing and _really fucking annoying_. 

Hanamaki grins slyly and heaves a shrug, slightly jostling Matsukawa on his shoulder. “Let’s be real: anyone with decent tastes would choose your better half~”

This final push appears to be all it takes to send Oikawa throttling over the edge. “That’s _IT_!” he shouts, voice climbing precariously. He twirls on his heel with a shrill “IWA-CHAN!” Kyoutani watches Oikawa’s retreating back in dismay as he stomps across the gym, yelling at the top of his lungs. “IWA-CHAN, GIMME YOUR PHONE!!!”

Kyoutani is in the midst of asking himself just _what the fuck is going on_ when he suddenly hears a snicker to his left. He glances back over to Matsukawa and Hanamaki in time to catch them share a high five, strategically hidden behind their backs. Kyoutani is begrudgingly impressed that they’re able to execute the motion without even looking at each other. 

He’s much _less_ impressed by the realization that they are purposely yanking Oikawa’s chain. Sure, Kyoutani enjoys seeing the guy get knocked down a peg as much as the next guy. He just would prefer for it _not_ to happen when they’re _supposed_ to be practicing. Hell, Kyoutani had actually made sure to show up _on time_ today. So why the _fuck_ hasn’t practice started yet?

Oikawa screeches from across the gym, demanding yet again for Iwaizumi to hand over his phone, and the noise makes Kyoutani to wince. He can’t help but notice that the rest of the team has stilled to watch the impending storm. Yahaba and Watari glance up from their conversation with Kindaichi, and even Kunimi is watching on with an slight, unmoving frown.

Now confronted head-on by the banshee, Iwaizumi finally looks up from where he is warming up. Y’know, like any good, _dedicated_ player _should_ be doing, Kyoutani notes grumpily. 

“What?” Iwaizumi asks, sounding both confused and on the verge of annoyed. “My phone? Why?”

“I’m gonna download a dating app on our phones!” Oikawa declares. He holds out his hand expectantly for his boyfriend’s phone.

He doesn’t get his wish, however—Iwaizumi is too busy gaping wordlessly at Oikawa. “What the fu—” Iwaizumi splutters. “ _Why_!?”

Kyoutani can’t help but agree, and also feel a smidge relieved that he’s not the _only_ one here who still doesn’t seem to have a clue _what the fuck_ is going on.

“Be- _cause_ ,” Oikawa explains fervently, drawing the word out into an absurd number of syllables, “I need to show Makki and Mattsun that they know _nothing_!” He gestures with disgust toward the pair behind him. They shoot back devilish twin smirks, to which Oikawa simply huffs and opens his eyes even wider, as if this explains everything. 

“That’s stupid,” Iwaizumi replies, voice completely flat.

For half a moment, Kyoutani thinks that Iwaizumi has finally put an end to this nonsense.

But then Oikawa doubles down with an even higher pitched wail of “IWA-CHAN!” and all of Kyoutani’s hopes are dashed.

_Damn it_ , Kyoutani thinks gruffly. He tightens his grip on the volleyball in his hands with a growl, looking down at it dejectedly. _I just wanna play volleyball_. Is that really too much to ask for?

There’s a mechanic _click_ , and Kyoutani looks up to find Hanamaki’s attention suddenly focused on _him_ , phone held aloft.

“What the fuck?” he growls. His glare only grows when Hanamaki types something onto his screen, not even bothering to look up as he shrugs. Suspicion growing, Kyoutani asks, “ _What are you doing_?”

“Oh, nothing,” Hanamaki replies airily.

Kyoutani is ready to march over and grab the stupid thing from Hanamaki’s stupid hands when the older boy suddenly slips his phone back into his pocket. He shoots Kyoutani a bland smile, then turns around to ask Matsukawa something.

Kyoutani bites back another growl and stalks over to where Yahaba and Watari are standing, watching as Oikawa makes a grab for Iwaizumi’s phone.

“Hey,” Yahaba says offhand, amused gaze still locked on the circus playing out in front of them. Watari looks up from scrolling through his phone to throw Kyoutani a quick smile before going right back to his screen.

Kyoutani heaves a sour grunt in reply, coming to stand at Yahaba’s side. Yahaba chuckles softly and shoots Kyoutani an amused, understanding smirk, before looking back over to Iwaizumi struggling to fend off Oikawa.

Watari snorts, suddenly grabbing both Kyoutani and Yahaba’s attention once more. “Oh my god,” Watari says, a huge grin splitting his face. “ _Kyoutani_.”

“ _What_?” Kyoutani asks, feeling a touch incredulous. What did he even _do_? He is _literally_ just _standing_ here, for god’s sake. 

But Watari simply shakes his head in reply, shoulders shaking helplessly as he shoves his phone into Yahaba’s hands.

Brows furrowed, Kyoutani leans in closer to Yahaba’s side to get a view of the screen. Watari’s got Snapchat pulled up—an abomination of an app that Kyoutani had _only_ downloaded because Yahaba wouldn’t shut the fuck up pestering him to join. 

Watari clicks on Hanamaki’s story at the top of the list, and suddenly his phone lights up with a candid picture of Kyoutani and the lamest hashtag Kyoutani has ever read.

“When will volleyball return from the war?” he reads out loud.

He turns to shoot a questioning scowl at Yahaba, only to find him biting his lip and holding back a laugh. 

“Oh my god, Ken,” Yahaba saids, a few chuckles escaping from his lips. “I didn’t know you were _that_ devastated.”

“Shut up,” Kyoutani grunts. He shoves Yahaba’s shoulder with enough strength to send the boy, unsteady with barely repressed laughter, stumbling into Watari’s side.

“I’ve never seen you look so contemplative,” Watari teases, righting Yahaba with a hand supporting his elbow. “It’s a good look on you.”

Kyoutani is about to retort when he suddenly hears, “Okay, okay, _fine_. Enough already!”

He looks up to find Iwaizumi shoving his phone into Oikawa’s eager hands. “If you’re so dead set on some dumb competition,” Iwaizumi says with a frustrated sigh, “then just go ahead do it.”

Kyoutani can’t fight the strange mix of dread, frustration, and resignation simmering in his throat as he watches Oikawa snatch Iwaizumi’s phone with a victorious shimmy. 

Something tells him the chance of getting to play _any_ volleyball whatsoever today are quickly dwindling to zero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It occurred to me about a week and a half ago that it was almost the birthday of one of the most _lovely_ people on the face of the planet. (Alex, ofc) This realization hit me right as my dear friend Mel and I were just beginning to discuss working on a Seijou collaboration idea that we've had for a long time, but have never really gotten the chance to flesh out. We stopped short and realized we _both_ needed to come up with gift ideas for Alex. I was planning to write a story, Mel was planning to draw something... And then Mel said, "Wait! Kat! Why don't we make the collab for Alex together!?!"
> 
> Have I ever mentioned that Mel has the best ideas ever? Because she does.
> 
> So Alex, surprise!!! This one is for you! x)))) I've never met anyone so sweet and welcoming as you, and giving you the world wouldn't be gift enough. I really hope that you enjoy this silly thing that Mel and I have put together for you! (And forgive us for shamelessly sneaking in some KyouHaba. We are weak, weak souls.)
> 
> Speaking of, we had the idea of telling the entire story through Kyoutani's eyes and just... couldn't let it go? The original idea was just for the dumb dating competition, which was cute on its own. But add in confused, frustrated, irritated Kyoutani and the whole thing suddenly felt perfect somehow xD _Especially_ because, when you get right down to it, the whole point of this story is to heap Iwaizumi with lavish amounts of praise and demonstrate exactly why he's everyone's favorite (certainly not least of all Kyoutani's OR Oikawa's).
> 
> To anyone else who has stumbled across this goofy fic, we really hope you enjoy it! (And seriously, go check out Mel's [amazing doujinshi](http://mlim8.tumblr.com/post/158668813440/)~~~) 
> 
> There's even more fun to come ^^
> 
>  
> 
> [Mel's Tumblr](http://mlim8.tumblr.com/)  
> [My Tumblr](https://konekat.tumblr.com/)


	2. In Which Volleyball Practice Continues to be Derailed by this Stupid Competition

“Okay!” Oikawa says triumphantly, holding the two phones up excitedly in front of his face. “The Hi-QT apps are downloaded, and we’re good to go.”

Kyoutani can’t help but think that they are the exact _opposite_ of good. Not when the entire team is wrapped up in _this_ idiocy. 

“Now we just need to make the accounts!” Oikawa chirps. His grin quickly turns to a small squawk when Hanamaki snatches Iwaizumi’s phone from his hand.

“Nope, nuh-uh,” Hanamaki says sternly. “ _We’ll_ handle this, thankyouverymuch. No sabotaging.”

“Rude!” Oikawa snaps with a pout. Kyoutani’s head throbs at his shrill tone. “I wasn’t going to cheat!”

“Sure, sure,” Hanamaki replies. He makes a placating gesture with his hand. “Regardless, we’ll take it from here.”

He ignores Oikawa’s irritated _harrumph_ , instead looking down at the phone in his hand. “Okay, name: Iwaizumi… Hajime…” he reads aloud slowly as he types. “Age: eighteen… Location: Miyagi…”

Kyoutani grinds his teeth, then winces when Yahaba whacks his arm. 

“Dummy, don’t do that!” Yahaba scolds. 

Kyoutani pins him with a flat scowl. After all, he wouldn’t be grinding his teeth if he weren’t so fucking _frustrated_. And he wouldn’t be so frustrated if this entire team wasn’t so fucking _ridiculous_. Why did he even come today, again?

But Yahaba simply lowers his eyebrows and places his hands on his hips. “I’m serious, you’re gonna break your teeth.”

“Oh crap,” Hanamaki swears suddenly. “Username… What’s his username going to be?”

“I’ve already got mine~” Oikawa sings. “‘Oukawa’ … get it?” he asks, face pinched into a broad smirk.

“Ha, ha,” Kunimi says in a quiet, monotone voice, causing Kindaichi to stifle a chuckle and Oikawa to pout yet again. 

Hanamaki simply rolls his eyes. “You would,” he replies condescendingly. “Okay, but seriously, what are we gonna use for Iwaizumi?”

“Hm, what about ‘number-one-ace’?” Watari suggests, rubbing his chin as he thinks.

“Not quite,” Hanamaki replies. “That’s a bit too simple. We need something _good_.”

“‘Agedashi-tofu-lover,’” Kunimi supplies, the corner of his lips twitching for half a moment.

“Uh…” Hanamaki spares a confused glance from the phone screen toward the wing spiker. “That’s, uh, a little lacking in _flair_. Like… hm, ‘Iwazilla’...” Hanamaki immediately scrunches his face in disgust at his own suggestion. “No, no, that’s dumb. Maybe…” He crosses his arms in front of himself in agitation as he thinks.

Kyoutani wants to scream. Which probably wouldn’t be the best idea. Instead, he growls, “ _Just fucking pick something_ ,” under his breath and pointedly ignores the amused look Watari shoots in his direction.

Hanamaki is still mumbling to himself, looking more concerned that Kyoutani has probably ever seen the guy. He’s so wrapped up in his current--stupid--dilemma that he doesn’t even notice when Matsukawa slides the phone out of his grasp. 

Kyoutani watches, half with disgust, half with relief, as Matsukawa types something in and proclaims, “There.” Then, nodding to himself, he hands the phone back over to Hanamaki, who looks up in surprise.

Hanamaki takes the phone and blinks. “‘Bara-biceps’?” he reads, humming thoughtful. “Yeah, actually, that works.”

Matsukawa grins. “Great, then let’s lay down the rules. You ready, Oikawa?”

“I was _born_ ready,” Oikawa replies with sly grin, and Hanamaki groans at the lame joke.

“Right, the rules are simple,” Matsukawa declares. “Each competitor has one week to attract as many people as possible using ONLY the Hi-QT app.” He pins Oikawa with an unwavering gaze and adds, “No outside campaigning, bribing, or paying people off to contact you through the app. Got that?”

“I’m _not_ going to cheat!” Oikawa huffs, clicking his tongue angrily.

Matsukawa doesn’t look entirely convinced, but he also doesn’t push it. “At the end of the week, we'll find out the winner,” he finishes, still watching Oikawa carefully.

“Ha! This is gonna be _too easy_!” Oikawa declares. “Just watch. I’m gonna get the upper hand with _just_ my selfies.” He twirls one hand around his face with an over-exaggerated movement as if to make a point.

Kyoutani bites back a groan, hoping against all hope that they can _finally_ get practicing. He’s just about to turn to Yahaba to ask if he’ll toss for him when Oikawa suddenly grabs Yahaba’s arm and yanks him away.

“Yahaba, come be my selfie-wingman!” Oikawa commands, not even bothering to wait for his response. 

Kyoutani grunts sourly, and Yahaba shoots him a sympathetic smile and a shrug before allowing himself to be carted off to the other side of the gym.

Just. Fucking. Great. Who the hell is Kyoutani supposed to practice with now that _both_ of their best setters are engaged in _not practicing_.

“Oh shit, he’s right,” Matsukawa mumbles. “We forgot about the profile pic. Oi, Iwaizumi--”

Matsukawa turns around and stops mid-sentence, brows lowering in exasperation. 

“Oh…” Hanamaki says, sounding rather disgusted. “He’s practicing his spikes.”

Kyoutani follows their gaze to find that Iwaizumi has indeed returned to practicing. At least _somebody_ on this team is focused. Not that Kyoutani really needs any reason to respect their ace more than he already does.

“He doesn’t care about this at all, does he?” Hanamaki asks, sounding worried.

“No, he doesn’t,” Mattsun replies with a grimace. “Hiro… did we bet on the wrong horse?”

Iwaizumi slams another spike home, the sound of the ball slamming into the court reverberating off the walls.

And really, that’s it. That’s _fucking_ it. Iwaizumi doesn’t give a shit about this stupid competition, and neither does Kyoutani. With a growl, he stalks away. 

_We_ are _supposed to be a volleyball club, aren’t we?_ he thinks to himself. _So why aren’t we playing volleyball? So much for a friggin’ team sport._

Well, whatever. If nobody else is going to take this at all seriously, then he can just practice on his own. Angrily, he comes to a stop a few meters in front of the wall, and then heaves the ball at the wall to practice some receives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back with Part 2!!!!
> 
> Ahaha, it has been nearly a year since I have updated _any_ fic within a day of posting the previous chapter. It feels a little weird to me. But these parts are so short that they're nice and quick to churn out~
> 
> A few things to point out ^^
> 
> First and foremost, a reminder that this fic and the [companion doujinshi](http://mlim8.tumblr.com/post/158727072238/doujin-part-1-part-2-part-3-part-4-part-5) are a present from [mlim8](http://mlim8.tumblr.com/) and me for the ever-amazing [right---meow](http://right---meow.tumblr.com/) x))) They're both wonderful people who you should totally check out if you so desire~
> 
> Second, the dating app xD Mel and I decided to call it "Hi-QT" so it would be a play on the word "Haikyuu" and the phrase "Hi, cutie!" (Perfect for a dating app, no? ;D)
> 
> Coming up with the usernames for Oikawa and Iwaizumi was surprisingly difficult? We spent a long time brainstorming those. "Ou" means king in Japanese, so Oikawa's username is literally "Kingkawa." Pft. Hopefully the meaning behind Iwaizumi's username is obvious ;)
> 
> And finally, but perhaps most importantly, Mel and I both want to note that as silly as this is to read about, we do not recommend competitions like this. Using an app like this could be considered emotional manipulation, which obviously neither of us support. It wasn't something that hit us until we were talking this morning. Mel put it best: "Please forgive Seijoh for the sake of this collab" ^^ In case anyone is worried, neither Oikawa nor Iwaizumi will be replying to anyone who sends them messages, so hopefully this won't be an issue. But we wanted to make sure to address it just in case.
> 
> Alright, I think that's it! Major thanks to all of you who have been reading x))) We're really glad to hear that you've been enjoying it so far, and we hope you enjoy Part 2 as well! :D
> 
> [Check out Part 2 of Mel's doujinshi!!!!](http://mlim8.tumblr.com/post/158727072238/doujin-part-1-part-2-part-3-part-4-part-5)   
>  [Mel's Tumblr](http://mlim8.tumblr.com/)   
>  [My Tumblr](http://konekat.tumblr.com/)


	3. In Which Kyoutani Wishes Everyone Would just STFU about the Whole Damn Dating Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I adjusted the tags somewhat and just flat out added KyouHaba. Because apparently I am not to be trusted when it comes to writing these two. I was trying to keep it lowkey. I kind of failed.

_“Show up to practice,” they said._

Kyoutani grunts as he receives the ball low, waits for it to fall, then pounds it back at the wall.

_“We need to work together as a team,” they said._

He shuffles to the side as the ball slams against the bricks, then bounces off at an angle.

_And are we practicing?_

The ball lands neatly on his outstretched forearms, colliding with a satisfying sting and weight. Kyoutani watches the ball arc neatly into the air, then slowly fall back towards him. With a growing growl, he buries his palm into the ball and sends it hurtling back toward the wall.

_Fuck no!_

The ball ricochets off of the bricks with so much force that Kyoutani can’t possibly move into position fast enough. He watches the ball whiz past his shoulder and land several feet behind him, rolling towards where half of the team is gathered in the center of the gym.

Biting off another frustrated growl, Kyoutani marches after the damn thing, trying—and failing—to ignore the gaggle of lazy idiots. 

“Okay, okay,” Hanamaki says excitedly, looking up from Iwaizumi’s phone with a smug grin. “So far, I’ve put that he’s strong and kind, a natural leader, and a good athlete.”

Kyoutani nearly snorts as he notices Kindaichi nod excitedly—though he can’t help but admit that Iwaizumi _is_ pretty freaking amazing. 

Kunimi, at least, looks as bored with the entire thing as Kyoutani feels. But the guy must not be _too_ put out, since he points at the screen and adds, “He also puts up with children.”

“Oooh, good one,” Matsukawa says with a snort. “Hiro, put ‘good with kids.’”

“Got it,” Hanamaki replies, not bothering to look up from the phone. 

As Hanamaki types, Matsukawa smirks and adds, “He _does_ deal with Oikawa, after all.”

“ _HEY_!” Oikawa screeches from across the gym. “I HEARD THAT, EYEBROWS!”

Matsukawa and Hanamaki snigger. Given that Kyoutani’s poor, abused ears are ringing from Oikawa’s wholly unnecessary shouting, he thinks that Matsukawa makes a very convincing point. 

Kyoutani jumps as a hand lands on his shoulder, and he twists to find Iwaizumi standing behind him. Immediately Kyoutani feels a rush of hope. Maybe now— _finally_ —they can start practice. Y’know, given that there are only fifteen minutes left at this point anyways.

“Guys, just because the coaches are tied up in staff meetings today doesn’t mean you can goof off all practice,” Iwaizumi says, looking Hanamaki and Matsukawa over with a critical eye. 

“Oh really?” Hanamaki asks, a smug glint in his eye. “We’re just following the _captain’s orders_.”

“Yeah, well the captain’s an idiot,” Iwaizumi replies. With a frown, he glances over to where Oikawa is shooting a dazzling grin at his phone, which is being held aloft by Yahaba. He lets out a rumbling sigh, then looks back over toward his fellow third years. “That’s really no excuse.”

“It’s not _our_ fault that you’ve become so lax on your boyfriend,” Matsukawa points out. 

Iwaizumi opens his mouth to retort, then stops short, his brows lowering even further in consternation. 

_Like fuck it’s Iwaizumi-senpai’s fault_ , Kyoutani thinks to himself. _Shouldn’t our captain fucking care about practice?_

But the minor distraction is all Hanamaki seems to need. He quickly strides over to the still speechless Iwaizumi, a wide grin across his face. “Here, Iwaizumi, look at this. This is the sexiest dating profile ever~” He holds the phone up in front of Iwaizumi’s face, pointing to the screen. “You’re the type that they’ll wanna bang _and_ take home to meet the folks.”

“I don’t really care,” Iwaizumi replies with a shrug. He takes a long drought from his water bottle, then glances back at Hanamaki. “Now are you done yet? I’d kind of like my phone back before practice ends.”

That. That right there is part of why Kyoutani admires the guy so damn much. He’s just… just… so _cool_. It’s obvious that Iwaizumi gives zero fucks about the things that don’t really matter. Kyoutani only wishes that the _rest_ of the team shared their ace’s singular focus.

…

Yahaba snorts when Kyoutani tells him as much that evening. 

“Oh, c’mon, Ken,” he says, nudging Kyoutani’s shoulder with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. “They’re just having fun.”

“I would think _you_ would care a little more,” Kyoutani points out gruffly. “You’re such a hard ass for keeping order.”

“Am not,” Yahaba whines, lips drawing together into a pout. 

Kyoutani’s first thought is that Yahaba is spending far, _far_ too much time with their captain. That dumbass is rubbing off on him. His second thought is that Yahaba’s pout is unfairly adorable. 

Neither of these thoughts are at all reassuring.

“I just think it’s dumb,” Kyoutani says. He purposefully drags his attention back down to his history book where it rests on the ground in front of him—hey, he can at least _try_ to fool himself into believing that the reason he’s at Yahaba’s house is to work on homework. “We didn’t get to practice _at all_. And this stupid competition is gonna last all week.”

“Fine,” Yahaba says. He drops his pencil onto his own book and turns to face Kyoutani squarely. “How about this? If everyone else gets caught up in the dating app stuff again, I promise I’ll practice tosses with you.”

Kyoutani snorts. “Oh? Even when your _precious senpai_ demands you play gopher?”

Yahaba’s ears tinge the slightest shade of pink. “Oh come off it—it’s not like that.”

“You sure?” Kyoutani asks, a small, snarling grin forcing its way onto his lips. “Your nose seems pretty far up his ass from all that kissing you do to it.”

Yahaba flips him off. 

It makes for such an odd picture—up until recently, Kyoutani had always taken the guy for a perfect goody two shoes. And he _is_. But then he _also_ goes and does stuff like this—crude gestures and snide comments that clash with the rest of his shiny reputation. Yahaba is … interesting. A lot more interesting that Kyoutani had originally given him credit for. 

“Whatever,” Yahaba says, rolling his eyes as he lets himself fall back against the side of his bed. “I honestly doubt that this competition is going to take over practice _all_ week long. You know coach would never stand for it.”

Kyoutani heaves a noncommittal grunt. He wouldn’t put it past this ridiculous group to find a way.

There’s a buzzing noise, and Kyoutani looks over as Yahaba reaches for his phone. 

“Huh,” Yahaba says, a slight frown working its way onto his face. “Watari says to check out Iwaizumi-senpai’s profile.”

Kyoutani groans. “See?” he asks, gesturing at the phone. “ _See?_ ”

Yahaba shoots him an annoyed look and mutters, “Fun sucker,” under his breath, fingers fiddling with his phone. 

Despite his annoyance, Kyoutani still leans in as Yahaba pulls up the webpage.

And then blinks at the same time Yahaba sucks in a surprised gasp beside him.

“Holy shit,” Yahaba breathes.

Kyoutani most definitely agrees. He _also_ files Yahaba’s reaction away to consider at a later point—sometime when he’s not staring at the picture of an actual, living god.

Because that’s what Iwaizumi is, apparently. A divine being that has chosen to grace the world with his presence. Or, at least, that’s what his profile picture makes him look like.

It’s a candid shot from practice earlier, Iwaizumi wiping his dripping sweat from his face with the hem of his shirt, leaving his very impressive torso entirely visible.

“ _Shit_ ,” Yahaba repeats. “You could break fucking _diamonds_ on those abs.”

Kyoutani grunts his agreement. He doesn’t fail to notice the fact that Yahaba is _still_ staring at the screen. Not that he can fault the guy—after all, Kyoutani hasn’t looked away himself. But it’s another little nugget to consider at length some other time.

“Whelp,” Yahaba says suddenly, scrolling away from the picture. “I’ve failed.”

“You—wait, what?” Kyoutani asks. He glances up at Yahaba in confusion, but the guy’s gaze is still focused on his screen. “What are you talking about?”

“That picture,” Yahaba replies glumly. As if that explains _anything_. He grabs the link from the web page, then opens up Snapchat. “There is no _way_ I can compete with that.”

The words set off something uneasy in Kyoutani’s chest. Hell, he had gotten a few little inklings that maybe, just maybe, Yahaba had some self-worth issues. But how the hell did Yahaba expect to compare himself to Iwaizumi, of all people?

“Yahaba,” he says slowly, voice barely more than a grunt. 

Because _fuck_. Kyoutani doesn’t _do_ pep talks. He doesn’t know how the fuck to comfort someone. How the hell is he supposed to say that Yahaba could never hope to achieve a body like that and so he really shouldn’t compare himself _without actually saying_ that Yahaba could never actually hope to be like that? That he _shouldn’t_ try to be something he’s not? That he’s _just fine_ the way he is. More than just fine, actually.

He tries again. “Yahaba, I really don’t think you should be worried…”

“Yeah, right,” Yahaba replies. “Oikawa-san is gonna _kill_ me.”

Kyoutani’s mouth is already open, awkward reassurances half-formed on his tongue, when Yahaba’s words finally hit him. “Wait—” he repeats, stumbling a bit, “— _what?_ What does _that_ dumbass have to do with it?”

Yahaba shoots Kyoutani a perturbed look as he hits the Send button on his screen. “Uh, everything?” he replies, making it sound like Kyoutani is some fucking idiot. “Let’s be honest: the selfies I helped him take don’t even hold a candle to _that_.”

Oh.

Kyoutani feels like he actually _is_ a real fucking idiot.

“Oh,” he says. Because saying it in his head apparently just wasn’t enough. 

That’s—well— _fuck it_. At least he doesn’t have to try—and likely fuck up—knocking some common sense into Yahaba’s skull. 

He glances down at Yahaba’s screen again, eyebrows inching up as he reads what Yahaba wrote in his chat with Oikawa.

“ _Sorry I couldn’t be a better selfie wingman to you_?” Kyoutani reads out loud, his disbelief bleeding liberally into his voice. “Seriously? _What the fuck_?”

“ _What_?” Yahaba snaps, sounding a bit self-conscious. “He asked for my help, and obviously I couldn’t deliver.”

Kyoutani groans, purposely slamming his head into the edge of Yahaba’s mattress. “Ass kisser,” he mumbles into Yahaba’s comforter.

Kyoutani yelps when Yahaba’s fingers painfully flick his ear.

He's still grumbling and scrubbing at his ear when Yahaba says, “Oh shit, he replied.”

Begrudgingly curious, Kyoutani looks down at the screen as Yahaba opens the snap. They’re met with the image of Oikawa’s head buried in his pillow. The dumbass appears to be screaming. The seconds run out, and a new snap pops up—this one a selfie of a _very_ pink Oikawa with a look of pure disbelief on his face. When the picture fades out and the chat pops back up, there’s an additional message underneath:

**Oikawa Tooru:** What. The. Fuck.  
**Oikawa Tooru:** What even is that monster?

Kyoutani snorts as he reads the reply. “Maybe if we get lucky he’ll just realize he’s wrong and drop this whole stupid competition thing,” Kyoutani says, half joking, half clinging desperately to hope.

“Maybe…” Yahaba says, though he doesn’t sound at all convinced. 

His phone buzzes again, and they both look down at the same time to see the new message:

**Oikawa Tooru:** We need to redouble our efforts, Shi-chan

Kyoutani groans loudly, slamming his head back with even more force against the bed. He’s not sure which is more frustrating: the knowledge that the picture situation has only managed to egg Oikawa on even more, or the ridiculous nickname. 

Kyoutani peeks one eye open, watching as Yahaba begins to type a reply. Yahaba doesn’t even have time to finish typing “Alright” before Kyoutani quickly knocks the phone from Yahaba’s hands with a growl.

“ _Ken_ ,” Yahaba whines, glancing at him incredulously. “What the h—”

“Tosses,” Kyoutani growls, cutting him off. “You promised me tosses, you ass.”

“Fine, fine,” Yahaba replies. He rolls his eyes, but he’s laughing too, and Kyoutani _knows_ he’s nowhere near as put out as he’s pretending to be. For which Kyoutani is _very_ grateful—he is _not_ going to miss another friggin’ practice because the third years can’t get their shit together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, show of hands: how many people are dead after Mel's fucking AMAZING picture of Iwa-chan? I'm still struggling to breathe tbh
> 
> We went from a one day wait between parts one and two to a two week wait for part three. Sorry about that! That said, we're officially halfway through this fun story x)
> 
> If you haven't checked out Mel's lovely doujinshi of Part 3 yet, you definitely should go read it [over here](http://mlim8.tumblr.com/post/159285737451/omake-doujin-part-1-part-2-part-3-part-4)!
> 
> As I've mentioned before, this is an ongoing birthday present for the incandescent [right---meow](http://right---meow.tumblr.com/). I feel like I should apologize for the ridiculous amount of KyouHaba airtime in this chapter, Alex ;A; Hopefully the fawning over Iwa-chan makes up for it! x)))) There is plenty more of that on the way~
> 
> Thanks to everyone for reading!!! Mel and I really hope you enjoyed this update :D More shenanigans will be coming at some point in the relatively near future--hopefully soonish! (Life's a bitch ayyyy)
> 
>  
> 
> [Mel's Tumblr](http://mlim8.tumblr.com/)  
> [My Tumblr](https://konekat.tumblr.com/)


End file.
